Who am I?

A few years ago I started writing a journal. I had meant to for years, but always put it off thinking that it was too late to start. What I finally realized is that I needed to let out everything I was holding in. It was therapy for me. It even allowed me to start going to therapy. Since then, I haven’t written down as much, but still have a lot to say. In a way this is for me, but really it’s me wanting to share my story and experiences with the world.

So who am I? What do I have to contribute and why would you be interested in reading this? Well to start, I’ve never fit in any where. On a regular basis during group conversations they start to conclude the discussion and say ‘Alright guys’ and then look around the room or circle to add ‘And her’. I am regularly the only female in the space I am in. It’s not on purpose. I am just doing what I want to do and trying hard not to let it bother me that I am different. To be honest, it does bother me, some times it hurts. Especially when it’s people you care about pointing out how you don’t fit in and questioning why you’re there.

On top of all of this, I need to stay anonymous. If I can actually open up about myself and my life, I can’t say who I am. Am I scared? Sometimes, but I am not entirely sure it’s real or just what people say to scare me. So I try to keep moving forward and live my life. If I let fear stop me from what I was doing, I wouldn’t have made it far in life. I am by no means fearless, I am full of fear, I just know I have to keep going and it’s not going to be the thing that stops me.

I want others like me to know that we aren’t really alone out there. We aren’t actually outcasts. We have a place, it’s just not always in one specific place. We’ve lived through more than people will know and have a lot to share. But if we share everything, we have to manage every part of our life. The person we are at work, the person we are at home, the person we are when we’re alone, the person we are in our hobbies, the person we are at the grocery store…If I told everyone everything, I would have to live with it everywhere I go. And I just want space to enjoy life and be happy.

So what are you going to read about here? Someone who has led many lives and continues to. The business owner, the IT professional, the athlete, the musician, the quiet girl, the one who found themselves in more questionable situations then you’ll believe. I don’t have perfect advice on how to manage it all, but I do have stories and my own insights. Take it for what it’s worth.

So some posts will just be insights of what I’ve learned and others will just be a random story that I need to get off my chest so I can keep moving forward.